I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
