There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize