Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
