My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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