Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
