You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
