It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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