I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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