Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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