I accidentally had phone sex last night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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