I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
