Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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