I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
