i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
