new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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