you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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