he thought i was a dude.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry about my life...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
