do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is Oprah even human
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
