dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
