I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
