wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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