He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
