How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
