I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
