I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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