He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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