Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
