That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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