I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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