take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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