You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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