my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
