According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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