man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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