After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
