i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
be right there i have to get my cape
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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