...so i touched it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
