This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
