I heard we made out
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
