bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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