At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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