it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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