So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, beer. Big fan.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
