u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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