Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
