Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
