u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
