i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize