So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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