The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we should paint friendship bongs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
