Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
