theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
