Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Couch. On fire.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
