I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
