thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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