that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
