so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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