I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
