I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
