The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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