Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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