I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
