I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize