remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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