Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
