i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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