I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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