i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
