im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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