Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
