I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
