The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
