I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
