There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
