CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
