I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
