they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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